When d darkness comes v knw to lift d fires...d demons roam d hills seeking what v hold dear...V cower in fear till V realize that d demons are not inf act the poison v fear... But in fact D demons r our essence... Our true underlying being...V put so much emphasis on acting morally correct yet v always turn around and do what v swear ourselves against...I guess thats what I've always hated... Those ppl that sit on their high horse n parade in self righteousness...Proclaiming that they nvr do things and they stand up for what is right...But everyone knw when they look closely that these ppl r just as full of shit as the rest of us. Is it so hard to accept that none of us truly hold ourselves accountable for our actions...That v r not willing to sacrifice ourselves for anything other than personal gain...I admit I'm guilty...I've always been guilty...
d days r getting shorter n it feels like my head is getting heavier...I don't knw what is going thru my mind anymore...It feels clogged up it feels unsure it feels... I just don't knw myself some days. Maybe my fringe is getting too long and its just clogging up my mind...But it feels like d cold has an extra bite which is cutting deeper that I imagined it could...D flux is so crazy these days,my mind is just awash with this feeling of being down trodden...Not suppressed as such but as if a fog has overcome me...Mayb its just d season...My mental clock is resetting itself, back to basic really...I don't even knw what I'm writing anymore...
I just I hate winter for d feeling...I love it for d sleeping...I love it for d colour...I love it for d lights...I hate summer for d feeling...I hate it for the sleeping...I love it for d ppl...I hate it for everything else...Mayb its just this country is not suited to me...Mayb I should just go away n disappear for a few years till the day I am forgotten then return in a haze...Of course everyone forgets me..u think I don't remember each of u...I watched u walk past for many years nt knowing if u knew me or nt...Or ignoring when d sense of me came about...d thing is I see everyone,much b4 they see me... Thats why if I dislike u I can disappear...u think I haven't seen A in awhile...But I hve,of course I leave b4 she gets her chance to see me...I'm not ashamed to say I hv ntg left to say to her...I couldn't care less for my belongings anymore...I couldn't care less for d ppl in between who v were all frens with...d truth is I never cared for d ppl in between...They were a means to an end..
I don't even knw what my mood is right nw. A mixture of angst.... Hate.... Worry?
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